I wonder how I'll be able to deal with this when the time comes.
Day by day, I find it harder and harder to understand it. Most of the time, I'm absolutely excited about my future, and I just forget about all about being lonely and being out there all on my own.
I just know that...one day, all this excitement will all die down and I will wake up and find myself crouching in a little corner, finally realizing that...... "I am...actually... all alone now."
This feeling will come. This day will come. And the first thing I'll probably do is break down and cry, which I happen to be best at doing.
I am definitely not in the best of moods now as I am writing this. I am feeling lonely. Like there is nothing I can hold on to.
Like.
But, I still have something to hold onto now. I am, after all, at home.
What happens...when the time comes where I am not...at home?
There will come a day when...
I will miss every familiar sound I am listening to now.
I will miss every single face I see around me everyday now.
I will miss every food i eat everyday now.
I will miss every single thing I am doing everyday now.
90% of the time, I'm just excited. But there is this 10% , although little, it will still hit me when I am not ready for it.
This monster...called "loneliness".
It runs rampage in my heart, my mind, my body and soul. It is very painful, confusing, and tiring. Very.
The monster within myself.
6 comments:
Don't worry xiaothong! Technology is so advanced! If you miss my face, I'll buy a webcam!! =) If u miss the sounds ard, start recording them! Haha u miss the food, i told u i'll mail to u the Prima food boxes but u must learn to cook lah! =D
LOL! Rena Chan~ Thank you very much >_< love ya love ya love ya~!
I'm learning to cook everyday wor...Getting better...yea!
Hey, u must be strong lor, i'm sure things will become better once u settle down over there! Dun worry so much lar! With ur joyful character i'm sure u will make new friends! Pls dun feel lonely cos u r nt! Jus remember u still got ur family n friends here supporting u. Jus give us a call, we'll be there lor (but distant call very exp!haha so dun call so much =p)
Btw, u really started learning how to cook ar? So now u know how to cook a proper meal...3 cai 1 dang?
-_- I don't think i'll need to cook so much for myself. Just one side dish can already. hehe
Long distance call is cheap if you people know something called MSN or Skype? rofl~
Thanks
when we are around lots of people, we are sometimes still alone..... and when there is no one there but us, we are yet never really alone.
you are afraid, because you are embarking upon an adventure which will take you out of your comfort zone.... and yes that means it will sometimes be uncomfortable - but also it will be rewarding because you will discover NEW things to become familiar with and love and embrace :)
you will be just fine, you will never be truly alone, and it's always ok to have a good cry now and again, as long as afterwards, you can sit up, dry your tears, and look around you with a fresh perspective :)
Thank you Amanda. Love ya~ You words are very very helpful.
Yeah, it's definitely tough at first when we're out of our comfort zone, and i thought i would be ready for it... but i'm not that confident about that now.
And yeah, I'm excited 90% of the time because i know i'll be experiencing a whole new thing and it could all be a once in a lifetime chance that i must not let go of, I must not give up just because of some emotional blockade..
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