GEEZ~ I AM GOING TO STAY IN JAPAN FOR AT LEAST 3 YEARS. DEAL WITH IT! HERE I AM, TRYING FREAKING HARD TO ACCUSTOM MYSELF TO LIFE HERE, MAKE MYSELF EXCEL IN WHATEVER I AM DOING, TRYING TO THINK OF NEW WAYS TO MAKE THINGS EASIER! I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE HOMESICK......AND FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE HOMESICK!
MAKE YOURSELF UNDERSTAND DAMMIT! LOVE DOESN'T CHANGE OVERNIGHT! EVEN IF I DON'T SAY I AM HOMESICK, IT DOESN'T MEAN I AM NOT!!
HERE I AM TRYING TO BE STRONG, OR AT LEAST APPEAR STRONG, YOU'D EXPECT ME TO SHOW EVERY SINGLE SIGN OF WEAKNESS JUST SO I CAN DO WHAT? WORRY SOMEONE?!
I AM BUSY. OR AT LEAST, KEEPING MYSELF BUSY! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY FREE TIME TO THINK ABOUT STUPID THINGS LIKE "I MISS HOME..."
BEING HOMESICK IS SOMETHING THAT IS PERSISTENT FOR LIKE 24 HOURS A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, 365 DAYS A YEAR! THIS! DOES! NOT! CHANGE!!! I DON'T HAVE TO SAY THIS! DO I?!!
I AM MAKING MYSELF STRONGER DAY BY DAY! I AM MORE DEPENDENT ON MYSELF DAY BY DAY!
DAD! MUM! YOU ARE THE ONES WHO SHOULD SEEK YOUR OWN ADVICE! SAYING I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS?? WHAT SHIT IS THIS?! YOU ARE THE ONES WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS AT ALL!!!! YOU ARE....AT H-O-M-E~~~ YOU CAN FIND SUPPORT AMONG YOUR OWN FAMILY OR FRIENDS! YOU CAN'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ME A THOUSAND MILES AWAY! GOSH!! WHAT CAN I DO!? NOTHING!
EVERYTIME YOU TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU CAN'T GET USED TO ME NOT BEING AT HOME, YOU JUST SHOW HOW WEAK YOU ARE! AND YOU'D THINK THAT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL GOOD????!!!!!! YOU JUST MAKE ME~!! MAKE M-E ME FEEL TERRIBLE! MAKING YOUR DAUGHTER WHO'S OVERSEAS ALONE FEEL LIKE THAT, IT'S THE WORST THING YOU CAN EVER DO!
I AM MAKING EVERY EFFORT TO PROVE TO YOU THAT I AM HAVING NO PROBLEMS GETTING USED TO LIFE HERE, AND THAT EVERYTHING'S FINE...BUT, YOU ARE NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOURSELF GET USED TO YOUR LIFE BACK HOME AT ALL!!!
ALL I'M ASKING! IS FOR YOU GUYS TO GROW STRONGER! GET SUPPORT FROM YOUR FAMILY! YOUR BROTHERS, YOUR SISTERS, YOUR FRIENDS! OR BEST! MAKE YOURSELF STRONGER BY YOURSELF! AND DON'T TRY NOT TO CAUSE INCONVENIENCE TO ANYONE ELSE! GET USED TO IT! DEAL WITH IT! I AM STAYING PUT HERE FOR A LONG TIME! AND NOTHING'S GOING TO CHANGE THIS FACT!
(i held on to the SHIFT key tightly throughout this whole rant. i am not angry. i am just frustrated at how i'm trying so damn hard to be stronger, but my parents are just not trying to improve things on their own side. sorry for the rant.)
3 comments:
you have to get used to parents thinking of you as their "little girl" and no matter how old you grow you will always be mommy's baby in her mind.
it does not make things any easier for you. just the way things are in all families - at least good, close knit ones. Let that help some - think of your family at home.
they seem to have even more trouble adjusting to your absence than you have adjusting to living in a whole new country.
I remember how my mom worried when i went overseas.
Telling her not and I was a big boy and could take care of myself made no difference.
Thank you Jim~ ^_^ As inspiring as ever...
I know that i should be happy that I belong to a good family. And it is exactly because of that that i don't really want my venture overseas to turn out to be something bad. I want everybody to think positively, although it's not immediately possible, i just hope my family would at least put some effort into getting used to my absence, or even better, improve their lifestyle~
Wow...u r really piss off! This is nt the first time u r upset with ur parents le ever since u decided to study in Japan!
Cant blame them too cos in their generation, they dun understand how it's like to study oversea and they dun even tok of pursuing their own dream. (Dun think will have any dream at their generation 0_0)
It's only a few mths since u left them! So give them some time ba, let them nagged n complained. I'm sure one day they will realise no matter how they nagged or complained, things wont change. U will still continue to pursue ur dream in Japan. Slowly, they will get used to ur absence de!! And understand that u still love them!
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